Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
