Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
