maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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