having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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