Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
