just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
