He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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