Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think my vagina is haunted
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
