Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
