Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
