On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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