Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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