I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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