We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
