I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
