Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
