Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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