why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
