i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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