: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize