Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize