Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
