That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
