When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
