her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
