ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
my liver is dry heaving
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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