Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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