so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
