No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize