Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
