Got a toothbrush?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
