There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
