Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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