TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i've created a new STD.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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