so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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