I want to have your abortion
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
