i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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