its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Enjoy the penises
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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