Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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