You can't special order awesome
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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