with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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