I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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