my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
