I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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