just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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