i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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