how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
