now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
