Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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