You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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