Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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