FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
