Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
