haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
