FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
