you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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