Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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