Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
