He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
