Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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