i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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