So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
