That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize