my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
where are you?
Hypothermia
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
