If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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