oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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