is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
