3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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