it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
