one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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