The maid of honor just puked.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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