pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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