May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
did i walk over a car last night?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
