you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i out mim tonsoeep
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